Posted by johngl
I’m normally not real big on contests, but I was inspired by a friend and former co-worker (a guy named John) when he posted a comment on facebook.
So, here’s the offer: I will send the winner of this contest $25 in cold, hard cash. Second place gets $10. Third gets nothing because, well, nobody cares.
Most Glorious Spousal Unit will be doing the judging, selecting, and whatever else it takes to determine who the winner is.
The objective: I’m looking for the best one liners in the vein of the Most Interesting Man in the World Dos Equis commercials. You know, like, “He lives vicariously…through himself” and “He once made a mistake… just to see what it was like.”
For this contest, I’m looking for stuff more like this: He once farted in the tub…just to see if it sounded smarter than Rick Perry (It did). Or perhaps: He once did Sarah Palin. That’s right, you heard me.
You are smart people, so I’m sure you can come up with something funny, totally stupid, or even apropos. The contest will end in a couple of weeks, so get your entries in soon. Just post a comment on the Alcoholian’s facebook page (click “Like” if you’re not already a fan), leave a comment right here, or hit my wall on facebook.
Update 9/03: Entries thus far…
Older women claim to be his mother-in-law…though he’s never been married
He did not have sexual relations with that woman…but ask him where his cigar has been
Actually, he DID have sexual relations with that woman.
Even his non-sexual relations with women make the front page of tabloids…
You know that photo? Michelle Bachmann was looking at HIM.
He once sous vide-ed himself at an exact 98.6 degrees just to see what it was like…He lived forever…
He was seen having a Pina Colada at Trader Vic’s. His hair was perfect.
He once wore a kilt. It was too short.
He talked to God. She was overcome with emotion.
The value of his kidney stones affect world markets
After a colonoscopy, the doctor pays him!
He makes the most interesting man in the world seem like PeeWee Herman
He once travelled to and explored the Virgin Islands, when he left they were just “The Islands.”
He doesn’t water his grass. He stands on his front porch and says, “Grow.”
He doesn’t always eat meat, but when he does – it’s SPAM! Stay hungry, my friends
When a pic of HIS “package” hit the internet, he was elected to Congress
His other car is the Weinermobile
He thought he was a man, but he was a muffin
I am not that clever!
An erection lasting more than four hours is no reason to call his doctor
He once made love to George W. Bush…and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.*
*adapted from a Bill Brasky skit.
He once cooked a five-course meal using only Devilled Ham and a cheap balsamic vinaigrette. He received his second Michelin star.
Fish queue up to be his sushi
He has more Facebook friends than there are people on Facebook.
A bird in his hand is worth four in the bush.