Ultimate Kitchen Tool

April 6th, 2013

The ULTIMATE kitchen tool

41,325 of 41,727 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!
By SW3K
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story.

Banana slicer…thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.

23,337 of 23,742 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Saved my marriage July 30, 2012
What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…. this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices. It’s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old “I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?” and of course, “You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!” These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!
5,735 of 5,920 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Angle is wrong
I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.
2,496 of 2,694 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars ” Angle Was Wrong” Was Wrong, August 18, 2012

I can’t believe anyone could be so inept as to think that they couldn’t slice their bananas because they bent “the wrong way.” All that person has to do is to buy the model 571C Banana Slicer that is for bananas that bend the other way. Although I prefer left-bending bananas, I got both the 571B and the 571C so that when shopping, I don’t have to have the hassle of finding bananas with the correct polarity. I hope “Angle Was Wrong” sees the light and removes that harsh one-star rating for this indispensable product duo.

3,122 of 3,372 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A military endorsement, August 10, 2012

I have served in the US Army for over 12 years. I can say that there is technology being used by the military that is rarely seen in the civilian sector. Once in a while, however, an amazing product is released by the DoD for civilian use. The 571B is one of those products. Although once called the M571B Tactical Banana Slicer (TBS)V1, they have declassified it for public use. I am glad to see this product on the market today but I will warn you now, this is a CIVILIAN model and not designed for field use!

I really must have one of these!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

I’m Still Here. Really!

February 3rd, 2013

Posted by JohnGL

Yes, I know it has been a while. But I’m really still here.

See!

feetsdontfailme

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

UPDATED: Concerned that Alcoholian is “compromised”?

December 22nd, 2012

Posted by johngl

UPDATE: January 11, 2012.  After a month long exchange with the folks at Google, we’ve finally come to the point that they’ve lifted that “this site may be compromised” thing from search results. Now all I have to do is recapture the 20,000 people that drove off. Yippee!

Thanks again for your patience!

< end update >

So, the other morning I was rather shocked to find that Google has put a “this site may be compromised” tag on some search results. I assure you, it is not. Even Google’s own Webmaster Tools confirm this saying:

Malware

Google has not detected any malware on this site.

Anyway, I’ve asked that the The Google review Alcoholian again and remove the “compromised” tag.

Apparently, that can take weeks for Google to discover what their left hand might be doing that their right hand doesn’t know about. In the meantime, I’m still here. The site isn’t compromised. And I’ll be back with posts once our lives settle down a bit.

I appreciate your patience!

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments »

Happy Anniversary to Us!

September 13th, 2012

Posted by johngl

On this date in history quite a number of important life events — for me anyway — occurred:

  • 21 years ago, Most Glorious Spousal Unit and I became a legally sanctioned Mrs & Mr Most Glorious Spousal Units
  • 8 years ago, I began work in the MMORPG world which changed my career path completely
  • 5 years ago, my Russian (now American) friend Maksim and I launched the Alcoholian
  • 1 year ago, most glorious spousal unit and I celebrated 20 years of shared life experiences and I finally completed my life-long quest to visit all 50 States of the USA (Hawaii)

September 13 appears to be a great day!

Happy Day! (JohnGL of Alcoholian fame, delirious with joy!)

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Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

500th Post: Pork Tenderloin on the Big Green Egg

September 3rd, 2012

Posted by JohnGL

I was all comfy in my bed, the idiot box tuned to H2, a channel specifically designed to prep one’s brain for sleepy-time. Hearing Peter Weller’s voice, I thought I was dreaming. The lid of one of my freshly-diagnosed astigmatic and presbyopic eyes opened a bit; this wasn’t showing 5342 of RoboCop or Buckaroo Bonsai, Weller standing on the side of what he said was a dam in Egypt built thousands of years ago. At least that is what I thought he said. No water — liquid, frozen, or vapor — was within miles of this Martian landscape.

I would have killed to have Weller as a history instructor in college.

Interrupting my thoughts of higher education, my Samsung Galaxy S3 issued a soft ting ting, the “Temple Bell” ringtone that indicates I have a text message. I look at my phone in utter disbelief:

Cooked a pork tenderloin tonight, marinated for an hour and a half, very well cooked (white but juicy), but it seemed like the flavor didn’t take, and it was kinda bland. Used an Ina Garten recipe, but just didn’t get the deep flavor like you got. Thoughts on where I might have gone wrong?

“Where did you go wrong? Where do I start? And why do you feel you need this information at 11:10pm on a Sunday night?” I ask myself rhetorically. “What am I, the food emergency hotline?”

Even at this hour, or perhaps because of the hour, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida runs through my sleepy head. It happens every time I hear the words Ina Garten. Weller, unabated, continued his monologue about Menes and the 49 foot tall dam he built around Memphis.

Ina Garten’s  gotta dam in Memphis, bay-bee. Why not 50 feet? Helluva dam, regardless.

Enough of the bedtime stories.

Big Green Egg Pork Tenderloin -- the Alcoholian

This, dear reader (I assume there is only one of you at this point), is a properly cooked pork tenderloin. It isn’t white. It’s pink-ish.

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Posted in Meat, Techniques | 11 Comments »

Nanami Executive Chef Jason Liao

July 21st, 2012

Posted by johngl

At the tender age of twenty-four, Nanami’s freshly-minted cocky, impatient, and highly opinionated Executive Chef Jason Liao wants to be on TV, wants to be famous in the vein of Austin’s other top sushi chefs Tyson Cole and Paul Qui, and wants to compete against Iron Chef Masaharu Moritmoto. He’s also developing concepts for a couple of new restaurants; there’s no lack of ambition, that is for certain.

Nanami Exec Chef Jason Liao, levitating a plate

Given the opportunity, he’ll even levitate a plate. His creative spirit is quite magical.

Yeah, well JohnGL, that’s all well and good, but how does his food measure up?

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Posted in Profiles | 5 Comments »

Wild Caught Halibut: Fish & Chips

July 15th, 2012

Posted by johngl

We were taking a cruise through the Costco Isles this morning and noticed some freshly packed, wild-caught halibut. Since I’ve been wanting to try out that fried chicken batter on some fish, this presented the perfect opportunity.

Beer Battered Halibut Fish & Chips

I wasn’t at all disappointed. The halibut came out moist, flaky, and not a bit over-cooked. This is a batter that will be used on all kinds of things, perhaps even beef tenderloin (as in chicken fried steak). Stay tuned.

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Posted in Beer, Techniques | 9 Comments »

Fire Pit Paella: The July Tradition Continues

July 8th, 2012

Posted by johngl

Better late than never.

This was our fourth annual “Fourth of July Fire-Pit Paella” get together. It’s also known as Paella Fest in certain circles.

Fire Pit Paella

On the left is a more traditional inland paella with mushrooms, peas, chorizo, and chicken (on the sheet pan). On the right is a coastal paella, decorated with a pound of shrimp. Oysters and clams were added later.

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Posted in Techniques | 4 Comments »

Fourth of July Prime Grade Grilled Ribeye

July 4th, 2012

Posted by johngl

It’s my favorite “holiday” and for it, I cooked up an all-American meal: Prime-grade American farm-raised ribeyes, American farm-raised sweet corn, American-grown bing cherries, all topped off by a premium-grade American red wine. A few of you might even think I’m sounding a bit like a patriot…and you’d be right.

Speaking of patriots, back in the late 1700′s a rather small group of folks took it upon themselves to substantially alter the course of history by telling a King to shove it. Things have never been quite the same since. I admire people with, well, balls.

Prime-Grade Dry-Aged Ribeyes
All American Prime-Grade Dry-Aged Ribeye Steaks — seasoned with salt and pepper

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Fourth of July Fried Chicken

July 1st, 2012

Posted by johngl

I admit it, I’ve been struggling with my (fried) chicken for years … (I’ll let that image soak in for a sec): Batter is either too thick or too thin, tastes too eggy, separates from the flesh, burns too quickly, or never gets crunchy. But finally, salvation is at hand. Let us give thanks.

Alcoholian's Boneless-Skinless Beer Battered Fried Chicken

Actually, I have the folks at Cook’s Country to thank for this one as it was they who inspired this particular adventure.

The first thing you will need to do is select and prep your chicken parts. I selected boneless breasts. I mean really, who likes boney breasts?

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Posted in Beer, Meat, Techniques | 6 Comments »

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